Mama, I can't breathe
by eliimg
Summary: Anna thinks she understands her mother's ever-present sadness a little better now. Oneshot.


_A/N – Part of Frozen angst challenge - Day 7: Mama, I can't breathe._

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Anna had to admit she was tired of the pregnancy already and she was only five months along. It was not that she was mad about being pregnant, she loved the idea of a new little member for their irregular family. Kristoff had been just as excited as her when she told them the news, and so had been Elsa. Their tiny family was expanding. However, her frustration in her pregnancy came with the cravings. She was not against eating abnormal amounts of food, not at all, she was against the weird hours her cravings started. Usually they would be before going to bed at night, or really _really_ early in the morning; but the worst were in the middle of the night. She could usually bother Kristoff with them but since he was in the mountains visiting his family at the moment, it meant she had to get up on her own and find whatever was left in the kitchen to please her little baby.

That night she was wide awake so she decided to take the longer route to the kitchen, which meant walking by her sister's bedroom. She had been worrying about Elsa in the las few weeks. Her sister had insisted she was doing _fine_ ,as always, but Anna knew she was having problems sleeping and functioning in general. The kingdom had seen better days for sure, the winter had been terrible and it seemed it had no intentions to stop in the first days of spring. The blizzards were still strong from time to time, and the food was running low in the whole territory. Elsa had to argue with her council and explain she couldn't control nature, as they so hardly believe; she also had to convince neighbouring kingdoms that it was not herself who was extending the winter for no apparent reason. And finally, to top all of that, she had to fight her own inner storms when they wanted to join the raging blizzards outside. Every night there was a blizzard, her sister had to face a restless night and most of the time, if the snowstorm outside was strong enough, she experienced panic attacks resulting of the intense pain and lack of sleep. It had been a really stressful season for Elsa that year and Anna made everything in her power to help her.

Anna decided it was a good idea to check on Elsa, the snowfall outside was steadily turning into a moderate snowstorm and her sister was due to wake up from it in no time. Since she was already awake, it was a good idea to make sure she was doing all right. The closer she got the bedroom, the clearer she could hear movement inside; her sister had probably awakened already. She tentatively opened her sister's bedroom door and was glad to see it was not frozen shut, but she could feel the resistance as if it scrapped against rime. When she entered, the room was cold and snow was slowly falling. Showing her sister was having a restless sleep no doubt. After a few seconds, she was able to focus on her sister who was thrashing in the bed; she seemed to be muttering something unintelligible. It was enough to give Anna the clue that her sister was not awake fighting the storm inside as she believed instead she was still asleep suffering from a nightmare apparently. She knew that letting Elsa fight her demons alone was not a good idea; the longest the nightmare, the harder was for Elsa to come back to her senses. Plus, how difficult it proved to thaw the ice in her room the following morning, especially in winter.

Anna reached closer to her sister's bed and opted to sit in the mattress next to Elsa. It was not usual for her to do it since she knew how much her sister liked her personal space to be respected, but her legs were killing her and she believed Elsa was going to be alright about it. It was just the two of them, after all. She started to talk quietly to her sister, soothing words that could help her wake up peacefully. A couple of minutes passed by when her sister's breathing became more erratic, Anna got worried instantly. She was not unaware of her sister's panic attacks but she had never heard her sister say that she experienced them while she was sleeping too. Was it even possible for a panic attack to occur while sleeping? Anna decided it was not the right time to wonder about such things and decided to wake her sister. There was no use in letting Elsa suffer if she could help her somehow. She started shaking her sister's shoulder but never stopping the soothing words.

"It's okay, Elsa. You are safe. Come on, wake up for me, yes?" she cautiously said. "Everything will be fine, I promise" Anna whispered as she saw her sister's eyelids begin to open.

Anna got closer to her sister as if to hold her tight the second she came back to her senses, but what happened next surprised Anna beyond anything she had experienced before. Elsa awoke suddenly and clung to Anna in a desperate embrace, she hid her face in Anna's neck and sobbed. What she heard next broke Anna's heart instantly.

"Mama, I can't breathe... I- I can't breathe mama, please..." she whispered while sobbing. She was taking short painful breaths as she uttered her words.

Anna froze in place; her sister was clearly confused by the sudden awakening. Either she mistook Anna for their mother or she was still dreaming, which was less likely. She couldn't move nor speak. Her usually regal and strong sister was crumbling in her arms and she couldn't help her as she had intended. What her sister had called her had devastated Anna. She couldn't do anything but start crying uncontrollably.

"Ma- Mama... Plea- please... I-" it was getting harder for Elsa to breath and speak with each passing second and Anna knew it. But she couldn't find in herself the strength to tell her sister it was her and not their mother. Elsa loved Anna's hugs but she had never hugged her and clung to her in such a manner, with such desperation, with such… _need_. She knew she had to do something more than be frozen in place but her body didn't want to respond to her commands.

After what seemed like hours but was probably just a minute, her sister started breathing somehow. She was muttering something under her breath, something Anna couldn't pinpoint what it was but then again it was helping her sister. She heard her sister take one last shuddery breath and saw her detach from her body. If Anna thought that hearing her sister beg for her mother's help was overwhelming, looking at her face the second she realised she was not with Idunna was indescribable. Elsa's face depicted deep anguish. Still crying silent tears, Anna looked at her sister's eyes for a few seconds until she found the strength to say something.

"I- I'm so, _so_ sorry Elsa. I saw you were having a nightmare and I tried to…" she stopped herself when she saw her sister was unresponsive. "Elsa? Are you all right?" What an idiotic question she thought, of course she was not _all right_ , she couldn't even focus on what she was saying…

"I'm sorry. It was not my intention to wake you up" Elsa said after a moment. "You should go to bed, you need to sleep."

"What? No! Are you crazy? I'm not leaving you like this" Anna couldn't believe her sister, she was having a mental breakdown and the only thing she worried about was if she got enough sleep? It was so characteristically Elsa that it hurt.

"I can't face you right know, Anna. I- I'll be _fine_. Please" her sister begged.

And Anna saw in Elsa all the shame and pain she was feeling. And for the first time since the thaw, four years ago, Anna gave her sister the space she needed. This time it was impossible for Anna to help her sister, because what she desperately needed was their mother. She left the room and softly said to her sister before closing the door "You know where to find me if you need me."

Anna returned to her bedroom, cravings forgotten. Before falling asleep she remembered something from the past; something she thought she had forgotten… Her mother's face leaving Elsa's room in the middle of the night. Anna was 14 years old at the time, she was going to the bathroom when she saw her; her curious side wanted to know what was going on but her mother's face stopped her from asking. She seemed so tired and so… sad. Probably her mother was coming out from a similar episode with Elsa that night, who knows. But know she thinks she understands her mother's ever-present sadness a little better. After all, it gives the impression that Elsa only truly opened up to her.

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 _A/N - Reviews are welcomed. English is not my first language, feel free to correct and mark any mistakes. It helps me learn more about the language and its grammar._

 _Not my personal favourite but I thought it was correct to upload it too._


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